Bigsy Noma (sensitive topic: cancer, female issues)
The joy of English: playing with our words… Big C, Bigsy, Carcinoma. I don’t like to use the word “Cancer” because it also happens to be my astrological sign, but… it is the C word that gets whispered when the type is female.
To quote the A.D.A.M. Medical Encyclopedia at PubMed Health (a gov website, link here):
”Cancer is the uncontrolled growth of abnormal cells in the body.”
It is a bit impossible to go get your boobs squished without thinking about cancer, even if your digital screen bilateral mammography takes place at a beautiful and new breast care center that feels like an exclusive upscale spa.
A silent voice on the breeze, a tiny whisper only inside my head, wondering… waiting… ready for Round Two? I catch myself making tentative decisions about the next to worst case scenario since worst case is obviously death. What to do what if… as if I should decide now, before a diagnosis spins me around so fast that I cannot remember my own name.
Round One with cancer was over twenty years ago. It threw me for a loop even though it wasn’t quite unexpected. I knew something was wrong. I saw cancer pretty much as I drew this monster: as a monster, faceless yet there, not necessarily to look exactly like this one… but something that does not belong. I wanted it out of me, out of me now.
Two surgeries later, my cervix, uterus, and ovaries were gone. I found myself mourning the children I would never have while dealing with the sudden onset of surgical menopause. I plea temporary insanity for all decisions made during that phase of my life, including accidentally remarrying an ex-husband. Maybe that is why I feel like I need to prepare myself for what if, to decide while my head is clear should Friday’s mammography reveal something that needs cut out… if a breast needs removed.
Would you opt for implants? Or just ask them to do an extremely neat job to minimize scars?
Am I nuts to even think about such things?
Thank you for viewing my art!
Posted on February 11, 2012, in Uncategorized and tagged abstract, art, atc, Breast, Breast cancer, Cancer, Carcinoma, Colored Pencil, decisions, drawing, female, Mammography, tentative decisions. Bookmark the permalink. 13 Comments.